


The Safety Manifesto

by cresselia8themoon



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: But i can't write a simple essay for school, Makes a whole lotta sense, Sure I can attempt to write a legal document
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-15 03:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14150952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresselia8themoon/pseuds/cresselia8themoon
Summary: In which a Safety Czar with no life tries to enforce the rules of safety.





	The Safety Manifesto

**Author's Note:**

> Yay for thesaurus abuse to make myself sound smart XD. Also the formatting is structured like the US Constitution...which is ironic considering it’s got “Manifesto” in the name.

I, Elliot Decker, in order to maintain a protected Tri-State Area, establish a safety protocol for the populace, defend against the scourge of Milo Murphy, educate students on all manners of safety, enforce strict standards and penalize the rulebreakers, do ordain and authorize the Safety Manifesto of the Tri-State Area. 

Anybody questioning why the above paragraph doesn’t flow to the tune of the preamble song in Schoolhouse Rock will be punished by wearing a sign that states “This is what you get when you question the authority of the Safety Czar.”

_Revision 1: The above punishment is null and void because Principal Milder said nobody could possibly enforce it and that it sounded stupid even by middle school standards._

* * *

 

**Article 1: Laws of the Safety Czar**

**Section 1: Non-Murphy, But Essential Rules**

1 **.** The Safety Czar’s word is law. He must be obeyed at all times lest harm befall those who scorn this crucial condition and fail to provide adequate safety for the self and others.

2\. Do not cross the street until the Safety Czar has given you permission.

_Revision 2: Permission is automatically granted when life is in immediate danger or in the event of a transchronological portal opening in the schoolyard._

3\. Waterfowl and all waterfowl-related products cannot be brought within a two-mile radius of the Safety Czar due to their status as defecating, featherbrained, ill-tempered brutes.

4\. Strawberry waffle cones are quite tasty and half-price on Tuesdays at Mr. Freezie Dawg. The Safety Czar is contractually obligated to announce this advertising slogan on any legal document or when asked about the button.

5\. Pigeon beaks should be taped shut and the sharp parts of fences bubbled wrapped or duct taped.

**Section 2: Murphy-Related Rules**

1\. Milo Murphy is forbidden to “help” the Safety Czar.

2\. In the event of multiple Murphys, whether by a time anomaly or family members visiting, the Safety Czar may choose to take a staycation at home. In the basement. With Mr. Safety the Safety Teddy Bear.

3\. Do not strive to emulate Milo Murphy. Your admiration should be given to those who don’t automatically endanger you with their presence.

4\. Milo Murphy is forbidden from being in possession of a baking soda volcano. 

5\. Milo Murphy is forbidden from trying to fix the crosswalk. 

_Revision 3: The above list will constantly expand as new calamities arise. Assume any rule that is not listed above will also be enforced._

**Section 3: The Other Important, Non-Murphy Related Rule That Must Be Noted**

Do not ever place a bet with Melissa Chase. Her type of Murphy’s Law is tailored specifically to your wallet. 

* * *

 

**Article 2: Violations**

**Section 1: The Stuff Middle Schoolers are Prone to Breaking**

1 **.**  Everything. Assume everything is breakable and can cut or lacerate the flesh off your bones. 

2\. No jaywalking. The blue jays are also subject to this stipulation. Violations will result in a hundred lines of the phrase “I will not promote delinquency by jaywalking”. 

_Revision 4: Giving lines is outside the Safety Czar’s jurisdiction, according to the city council. The new punishment is taking over the strawberry sundae ads for a week._

3\. Do not feed the ducks. FEEDING THE DUCKS IS ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN. 

4\. The Safety Czar is allowed to impersonate a security guard. It’s a violation to question his makeshift materials or trick him by enlisting a friend to serve as a distraction. 

5\. People under the Safety Czar’s authority may not talk about him behind his back while spying on him with a periscope. That’s just being a jerk. 

**Section 2-4**

This section is currently undergoing a rewrite because the original was lost due to unforeseen circumstances. That guy in the tracksuit ripped it up when I said Milo was dangerous. 

Then the old man threatened to send me to Siberia. 

There’s an actual law that has to do with threatening harm. The Safety Czar didn’t make that one up. 

**Section 5: Incapacitation**

1\. Heavy objects cannot incapacitate the Safety Czar by falling out of the sky.

2\. Asking if something is about to fall out of the sky is forbidden.  

3\. If a heavy object does incapacitate the Safety Czar, he may take the object in question as incriminating evidence of a disregard for the safety of the populace and the greater good. 

* * *

 

**Article 3: Do Not Take These Protocols Lightly**

Whoever stole this document and gave it to Amanda Lopez so she could place a red marker through practically everything better pray I don’t find them and stuff their mouths with Mom’s oatmeal raisin cookies. 

_Revision 5: This document is strictly for explaining the Safety Czar’s basic principles and not for emergency desk polisher, Mrs. Murawski._

This Safety Manifesto was written and shall be enforced by the resident Safety Czar, Elliot Decker.


End file.
